i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
