just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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