I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
