Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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