Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
