all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
porn star boner night. come get it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
