Can i not drive my cunt home
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
