apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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