so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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