yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
