Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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