Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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