are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
