I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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