I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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