You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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