I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His nipple licking is glorious
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