Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
