This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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