I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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