ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
