My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
