I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
