Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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