i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
