We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
