just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
