You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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