just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Randomize
