I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
