I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
