So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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