I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
