I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
