So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
