I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
