forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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