why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
