im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
