At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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