Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
