Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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