i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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