you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
