Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
