If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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