i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
