You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
