Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
