The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
