Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
