Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
