YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
