i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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