So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
