to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm always down for nudity.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
