You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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