I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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How does one acquire holy water?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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