Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize