You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
