i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
