our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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