That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
