I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize