you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
